Wednesday, November 3, 2010

A Good Month

On 1 October I went on a date with a guy in my ward. I enjoyed it and it seemed that he did too, but I had never been on a second date before, and didn't really plan on being asked out by him again.

That weekend (2-3 October) I emotionally ate all weekend - leading to the only weight watchers weigh-in I had where my weight went up.

On 4 October, he called - and asked me out again for the upcoming weekend. I was thrilled.

On 10 October he called me after church and we went to feed the ducks. While feeding the ducks he asked me out for the upcoming Wednesday and Saturday. That Wednesday he held my hand (a first for me). On Friday I invited him to a fireside my parents were giving on that Sunday. That Sunday, after the fireside, he kissed me (another first).

I saw him at least three times a week for the two weeks following. On 26 October, while driving home from having dinner with him and some married friends of mine, he said there were some things we needed to talk about...

On 30 October we talked about them.

He didn't think we should date anymore.

I took it pretty hard, and the next day (Sunday) felt like an emotional wreck. Sunday night I wrote in my journal until almost 2 am. I felt a lot better after writing. I included an entire paragraph with almost all the sentences beginning with 'I'm mad because...' It was very healing.

I saw him tonight at a fireside and didn't get emotional. But I did want to talk to him.

I didn't.

He was a big part of my life for all of October. Sometimes things come up that I immediately think of sharing with him. And then remember that we don't have that kind of relationship anymore.

It kind of stinks.

Tonight when I got in my car and plugged in my ipod, the song 'Unanswered Prayers' by Garth Brooks came on. I hadn't really been praying about things with this guy. It seemed too early to want things to go a certain way. However, I do think I prayed a few times that things would keep going well. I was really enjoying being in a dating relationship - and he's a really good guy. But hearing this song reminded me that there's a reason behind things that we may never figure out. Or not figure out for a very long time. As painful as it was, I'm thinking that somehow, it was for the better. And maybe someday I'll know why.

this was the only version of the song that I could find.

The reason I can still look at October and call it a good month is because I feel like I can appreciate the experience for what it was.

- for the first time ever, a guy was actually interested in me at the same time I was interested in him (unfortunately my interest outlasted his)
- I held a guy's hand multiple times (and it was thrilling every time it happened)
- he's a good guy. sadly, things ended, but he's a good guy. it was a good first-time-relationship experience. he wasn't a jerk, or a creeper, but a really nice guy.
- coming out of it, I find myself wanting to be more social because I want to experience that again. I haven't felt a need / desire to be social for a really long time, so this is definitely a good thing.


Genevieve Beck said...

Thank you for being willing to share that experience, Eden. Sorry things didn't turn out the way you hoped, but it sounds like you've had (are having) a healthy healing process. I'm happy you had a good month.:)

Katie Rod said...

Eden! I was just wondering about you and this fella last night and I'm sorry it ended up like that. And yes, writing is very therapeutic especially when you know the other person won't read it. And I have had a few relationships like that where I really liked the guy, but dang it, he didn't like me as much and ended it. It totally sucks and leaves a lot of unanswered questions. But, someone even cuter will come along and sweep you off your feet!

Deja said...

Dang, Eddie. This saddens me.

Another one will come along. I promise.

You sound super healthy and wise. That's lovely.

Elisa said...

Love you more than ever for writing this. You're beautiful.

eden said...

thanks friends! you are all wonderful and kind. (:

Jennie Larsen said...

You're amazing, Eden...I've always known that, though. Thanks for sharing this experience.

Bethany said...

You're right -- it's definitely a good thing.

Good for you!

kathy w. said...

Oh, Eddie! There's just something awful about breaking up.

Here's to October and to many even better months in the future.

Bryson and Tara said...

Pea Soup,

I'm so sorry to hear this. I've been wondering about how things were going... I am so impressed with your attitude, though! You are so fantastic! Take care and know I'm here if you want to just vent for a bit...

Your friend,
Stinky Cheese